Caged Lark- Chapter 4

I gagged into the toilet, the remains of my breakfast coming up fast and burning my throat. The stench filled the air. Natsu flushed the toilet, leaning around me, but it did no good. Only more of the bile followed. Kindly, he held my hair away from my face while I puked.

Leaning my head against the seat, I tried to breathe in and out evenly. The stiff air from the toilet clogged my mind, not letting any thoughts remain except for the vomit that circulated in the pipes around us.

My now-empty stomach growled.

“You think it’s done?” Natsu asked. His deep voice was like a mosquito in my ear. My stomach moved and I was gagging into the bowl again. His large hand stroked the back of my head soothingly, relaxing me.

After the dry-heaving was finished, I breathed in a few deep breaths. “I-I think so…” I replied quietly, the after-shakes beginning. Natsu shut the lid on the toilet before taking a cloth and wiping my face.

“Are you going to the doctor?” He asked before picking my small body into his arms bridal style and walking me into the bedroom. He laid me down gently on the futon.

I nodded before saying weakly, “I’m going to try and go today.”

He sat on the edge of the bed, taking my hand in his and stroking the back of it with his thumb. “Would you like for me to go with you?”

“N-no.” I shook my head. The idea was hideous. “You’ve missed enough work already because of me. I can ask Sakura-chan to come by.” Yeah right.

He nodded in agreement. “That’s a good idea. This has been happening for so long it’s gotten me worried.”

I smiled, trying to reassure him. This all started just days after our wedding; he'd been worried about me since, even missing some days of work just to stay home and take care of me. Some honeymoon.“It’s probably just a stomach flu. Don’t worry.” But then again, what stomach flu lasted for two weeks? None I'd ever heard of. He seemed to believe it, though.

He returned the smile. “Alright,” he leaned down to kiss my clammy forehead before rising and tying his zanpakuto to his obi. “Take care of yourself, okay? I’ll stop by Sakura-chan’s house and relay your message.”

All I could do was smile and nod; the horror twisted my stomach so badly I thought new vomit might slip through my teeth if I tried to speak. Natsu didn’t see the horror on my face, thankfully, and left.

I stayed in that same position, my already-sensitive stomach tying itself into knots. Firstly because I knew that if Sakura couldn’t come, then Mother would most likely come. And secondly, I thought I already knew why I was so sick. If Mother came along, there would be no way I could keep it from Natsu. If Sakura came, though, I still had a chance of keeping it a secret from him.

I thought back to our first few days by ourselves after the wedding. I had figured out what was up with me and was trying to muster enough courage to tell him.


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I looked myself dead in the eyes; the reflection in the mirror was contorted in a grimace. It was if I could feel it there, like extra weight strapped onto me.

'You’re not actually sure that’s what it is,' the voice in the back of my mind tried to convince me. 'You may actually have the stomach flu…'

My stomach twisted at the thought. I could feel the bile’s taste in the back of my throat. ‘Not likely.’ The rational voice replied.

I sighed, continuing to stare myself down. This was horrible. Horrible! How could it…?

But I knew exactly how. A memory of Gin flashed across my eyes and my stomach twisted into more knots as a result. Before I could toss up my dinner, I leaned over the sink to splash water over my face. Cool, clear water. That cleared my head; it allowed me to think straight.

I wiped my face without allowing any water to drip off. I needed to tell him…I needed to tell Natsu before too much time passed. But how? The cloth stayed over my mouth and I breathed Natsu’s scent in, allowing it to settle in my memory.

I stood there under the bathroom lights for a long moment, my eyes closed.

Footsteps approached and I opened my eyes to look into the mirror. Natsu approached from behind me. A small smile graced my lips. He could sneak up on me if he wanted to. He was probably just being considerate. As I looked at his face, clean-shaven and angular, my heart dropped slightly. He wasn’t who I wanted to see.

I realized this and quickly shunned the memory from my thoughts. Even so, I could feel my heart ripping itself apart. Tears welled, but I choked them back down.

“Hey,” I greeted in a light voice- I couldn’t allow it to break.

He placed his large hands on my shoulders and as he neared me, they slid down to my waist to pull me close to his body. “You are so beautiful,” He spoke in my ear, his lips brushing softly against it. A blush spread across my cheeks. Kind eyes gazed at me lovingly from the depths of his soul. What could be the word to describe them…? I returned his gaze, looking away from his hands, and set down the cloth. I placed one hand on his arms and one against the side of his face. He was too kind to me. “I’m so lucky you’re mine.” Then he added, “I must be the luckiest man in the entire expanse of Soul Society.”

No. Not that. How should I tell him? His words tore new holes into my being. Gin’s absence wasn’t enough. Apparently the great beings above just wanted to see how much damage I could sustain before I died.

“I really want to get to know you. To form an honest, true relationship with you. Just the two of us and no one else. I don't want our relationship to be based solely on how we fittogether, you know?" He whispered the words into my hair, his green eyes glowing with admiration.

The words to tell him got stuck in my throat and disappeared. Where did my resolve to tell him flee to? I needed to tell him, to be the honest girl he thought I was!

But the words were nowhere to be found as butterflies fluttered in the pit of my stomach. I just couldn’t. I couldn’t break him.


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I blinked at the ceiling above me as I remembered that day in a single fleeting moment. My resolve since then had worsened. Every day his love for me grew, and every day I let him down more and more. I needed to tell him. I had to!

My memory returned to those adoring, loving green eyes….

But I couldn’t. He believed me to be pure. He believed me to be his and only his. If he knew my secret, all this would vanish in a snap. What would happen then? What would he think of me then? He would know I wasn’t his, mentally or physically, and he would know I wasn’t his “pure, innocent wife”. He would think of himself as a fool for ever thinking of himself as being “lucky to have me.” I didn’t want to hurt him. What else would click into place if I told him? What else about me would be ruined for him? How much else would he figure out about me? What would happen if he knew everything?

This was why my resolve wavered.

I can’t tell him…

I have to tell him. The more rational voice in the back of my head retorted.

I laid there for hours, lost in my own battle, my eyes fixed on the ceiling above me before a knock at the door reached my ears.

Sakura or Mother? Either way would be horrible. Especially if it was Mother. She would…her reaction would be worse than Natsu’s- if he ever found out. Twenty score worse. My stomach twisted into hard knots and the knock came again. Doom fell like a heavy weight in the pit of my stomach. I stared at the door in horror before deciding it would be better to get this over with now rather than later. Sakura would never let me forget it if she had to let herself in only to find I could walk perfectly well.

Fighting the urge to hide under the blankets, I rolled out of bed and stumbled a few times as I walked towards the door. I finally reached it and gripped the door's handle tightly. My hand visibly shook.

I forced myself to slide the door aside and look at the person waiting for me to answer.

“There you are!” Rangiku exclaimed happily, her short curls bouncing around her face. The cold wind blew suddenly, blowing the pink scarf around her neck into her face. As she tried to remove it so she could see me properly, she continued. “Sakura-chan sent a message to me and asked me to go with you. Your mother is forcing her and the boys to spend the day with her.” She smiled with a sigh as the scarf behaved and did what she wanted.

Relief washed through my veins, drowning me. My legs began to shake, and I nearly collapsed. Rangiku, however, caught me. “Careful!” As she helped me to regain my balance she continued. “Let’s get you ready, huh?”