And though I can not see you
and I can't explain why.
Such a deep, deep reassurance
You've placed in my life
We cannot separate
'Cause you're part of me.


~"Never Alone" by BarlowGirl


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Caged Lark- Chapter 1

This would be so much easier if I didn’t like him this much… I thought as I jumped from the ledge of my window to the soft grass below.

I landed on the balls of my feet, my body bending to absorb the impact. My fingers just barely brushed the blades of grass before I stood straight again. I quickly looked back up towards my window. The curtains fluttered in the slight breeze, but no lights came on in the other windows which would signal that others knew of my escape.

I took off running. I had my robe on but a kimono underneath. If anyone saw me I would just pretend to be out on an evening stroll. That was all. If a friend of the family, like Kuchiki-taicho saw me, however, my little adventure would be over. So I knew I had to be swift and silent.

There was no use hiding my reitsu. Seeing as how I was never able to attend the academy I didn’t know how to do the small things that would have made a difference. Hiding my spiritual pressure was one of them.

My feet padded against the grass which slowly grew to be concrete. I would have to wash away the dirt and grass later. That was for sure. If mother found out…!

This would be so much better if I didn’t like him, I thought again, peeping around a buildings’ cornerstone to see if anyone was coming. Bad thing is, I do like him. Seeing no one, I began running again. I knew I had to be quick, though. Shinigami would be patrolling above and on this ground level. My feet- it sounded like they were thundering on this still, quiet night- carried me over the pavement until I was under the cover of a captain’s office and into shadows again.

I tried to quiet my breathing as I listened for any small sound that would tip me off of someone’s approach. Besides not being able to feel their reitsu, one of the worst parts about not being a shinigami myself were those flash-steps. They always snuck up on me! Oh how I wish I could have gone to the academy. But mother never allowed it. I needed to focus on becoming a “lady”.

Straining my ears to the smallest sound, I tried to listen. But I had noticed on earlier trips like these that the harder you listen, the less you will hear. Thinking it safe, I wandered from my cover and out into the moonlight again. On these types of trips I wished the moon would disappear; there was too much light. And the stars above didn’t help either.

I tried to slow my pace now. I had to be careful. This was like a shinigami breeding ground. I knew I would have to be discreetly alert for anyone or anything coming my way. Especially that Kuchiki. I could have growled. It was hard to match my pace to a normal gait. I could feel my legs wanting to stretch out and run to him. To close the distance between us in seconds rather than minutes. However, I could not do this or I would be tattled on. I tried to even my breathing, taking big, deep breaths in an effort to calm me.

It worked a little too well.

While I was trying to focus on my “evening stroll facade”, I lost my concentration on being alert. Before I could properly react, Kyōraku-taicho was strolling past me. I realized this a second too late and couldn’t flee the street without being noticed. My mind longed for the safety of the shadows. Instead, I was out in the open; a vulnerable animal.

Shit! I thought, I knew the words could be seen clearly on my face even as I tried to hide my expression. Damned captains! I bet Kyōraku-taicho is doing this on purpose…!

“Oh, why hello, Karin-chan,” he smiled pleasantly. It was a look of pure evil. “Out for an evening stroll?”

He must have heard my excuse last time from Ukitake-taicho. The two were practically joined at the hip.

I tried to smooth over my expression as I bowed. He stopped just in front of me, smiling “evilly”.

“Yes, sir. It’s just such a nice evening.” I lied carefully. Hopefully he wouldn’t be able to notice. He studied my face carefully before sighing.

I knew it was a false hope.

“You’re going to see Ichimaru-fukutaicho, aren’t you?”

My expression wavered for a moment, hoping he’d see nothing but pure innocence there. The question was left hanging, however, and my expression finally fell to guilt.

“You won’t say anything, will you?” I asked in a small voice. He was from a strict family, too. Surely he would understand…?

“Say anything about what?” he asked, curiosity in his voice, his smile all but disappeared. “You’re just taking an evening stroll! Enjoying the night air! Am I right?” He didn’t wait for an answer, but continued walking past me. “Ginrei-san is in his office.” He said quietly as I turned to watch him leave. In a motion, he was gone.

While I was extremely grateful to him, on both accounts, seeing someone disappear that suddenly was unnerving. It always had been to me. But it just served as a reminder at how quickly shinigami could appear like that.

Shaking my train of thoughts from my head, I continued forward. While I kept alert and focused, I was able to walk care-free at the same time. I made a mental note to thank Kyōraku-taicho later for his kindness.

The corner ahead seemed to grow and consume my eyesight. Both my eyes were fixated on that. Making sure no one was around beforehand, I turned the corner. This time, I could run to the other end; this alley way was dark and no windows looked down on it.

Peeping around the corner at the far side, I saw no one approaching. Listening, I heard no footsteps. Trying to feel the air around me was pointless. Trying to do it would do nothing but aggravate my temper.

No one was there.

Rejection began to build in my chest, cutting off my thinking capabilities as well as my ability to breathe.

Now wait a minute, Karin! I forced the words through my mind. Maybe he was held up at the office or something. You never know! Maybe you’re early.

Or maybe he’s late. The words drowned out the positive, reasonable thoughts. Maybe he’s not coming at all.

TThat would be a good thing, though. You’re getting married in three weeks. And you have to stop this nonsense beforehand.

I knew the voice was right as I choked back the sobs that threatened to escape.

Just as I was about to turn around, however, two arms locked around my waist and a hand covered my mouth, cutting off my air supply. The sobs forgotten, I panicked. I could feel the strength of the person’s arms’ around my waist and I knew I couldn’t break free if I tried.

Even if I did, though, what was I supposed to do? Run? He had snuck up on me, which meant he might be able to hide his reitsu and he could use flash-steps. I knew nothing about being a shinigami and would easily be killed if I tried to fight back.

I wished there was some way I could get the message to the captains. If I could get loose, would I have enough time to run screaming about the hunter? There was a slim chance. But would anyone regard it? There was a greater chance. If only I could get free! To die to protect others would be a worthy death, wouldn’t it? Even from someone who couldn’t protect others adequately.

Maybe if I licked his hand he would let me go….

“Hm, that’s nice of ya.” As soon as I heard his voice, piercing through my panic and thoughts of death, I calmed. My heart rate slowed and I felt I could breathe again. Even through his hand. Just having him beside me felt like the air had been restored to lifeless lungs. “Usually ya scream and try to fight. I greatly appreciate it.”

He released me as he felt I was calming down and I immediately turned to see his face. Now that I could hear his voice, my heart hammered in my chest, anxious to see his face.

As I looked at him, my breath once again caught in my chest, and for a minute, I couldn’t breathe. The moonlight, shining down from the heavens above illuminated his whole figure. His short hair, usually a pale purple color, seemed silver now. Silver like the moon. His eyes were open- he only ever opened them for me- and gazed down at my figure which took in his wealth of beauty. Gin was a full head or so taller than me, and as I watched, the corners of his mouth lifted up into one of his individual grins. I could feel the heat of my blood rush into my face as well as through my entire body as I stared at him. Whenever I was near him, I felt whole. Full. Secure. It was as if the impending wedding was just a nightmare from long ago. It felt as if the torment that I would receive from my mother- if she ever found out what I was doing- would be bearable. The breeze carried the edges of his uniform along for a short ride before his frame stopped it from flying away.

“Gin…” I whispered, my mind too blank to say anything else.

His grin widened, stopping my heart. I wondered without thinking, how to restart it again.

“What?” he said. His eyes captured mine in their red depths and held me there. They didn’t hold any wonder, or hope, or love, but I knew he felt the same way about me that I did him. There was a softness to them when he looked at me. Not only that, but I knew he loved me in his actions and words. He loved me and I loved him. Passionately. “I came all the way here and ya jus’ say my name?”

I grinned, too. I couldn’t help it, really. His smile was just too intoxicating. My eyes softened.

“I thought you weren’t coming.” I said softly. I looked down to his chest in guilt and a tingle shot through my body in return. I lifted a hand to reach out for his arm. He took my hand instead and held it there between us. His fingers wrapped around and through mine, intertwining our hands. Gin stepped an inch or two closer so that our bodies were almost touching. I did the same. Our arms stayed there in between us, wrapped together like stone, never moving, never faltering. This is what love should be like. Not the arranged, loveless marriages.

I tried to push my wedding and my fiancée to the back of my head. Tonight it would just be us. He also knew our time was almost up. It saddened me greatly to think about it, but I tried not to let it show.

Just us. I thought, looking up into Gin’s face and forgetting all else.

“Of course I was comin’.” He said, his voice smooth like satin. “Wanna go swimmin’?”

I smiled widely, my eyes sparkling. His expression mimicked mine. “Yes,” I replied, stepping into his body. “Lets.”

Gin wrapped a strong, secure arm around my waist, holding me to him. Our hands were still intertwined between us, his thumb stroking the back of my hand. He held me there for a moment before the world around us was flashing by in color.

I could feel the bone and muscle of his body working to run beneath me. Using flash-steps was something I only wished I knew how to do.

We sped through the world like that, not able to be followed by the eyes.